Reflections

Ps 43:3-5

Send out your light and your truth;

let them lead me;

let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!

Then I will go to the altar of God,

to God my exceeding joy,

and I will praise you with the lyre

O God, my God

Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

my salvation and my God.

A creed is an important tool in anyone's life. Over the years, I've had my fair share. When I first realized God's love in my life, my creed was Psalm 27:4 "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple." Later, when I began to realize more the importance of sharing this love, my creed became John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease."

I stumbled upon Psalm 43:3-5 while I was trying to work through some serious frustration from outside sources in my life. The first words caught my eye, "Send out your light and your truth". I've seen God's guidance in my life again and again over the past few weeks, but there are some things happening in my life since returning from RACE (has it really only been a month since then?) that have seemed hazy and some that have been downright dark. I don't really know how I've managed to stay standing through a lot of it except by God's grace. I live in a difficult environment that's half light and half lies and sometimes it's really difficult to distinguish between the two. I've caught myself starting to slide down the slope of slimy lies quite a few times over the past weeks.

However, the last verse of this passage brings a wonderful exhortation in the midst of all this trouble. "Why are you cast down" and "in turmoil"? Hope in God. There's the cure for all my frustration right there. Because of the order of the verses, it seems to be a bit of a cycle. There's a prayer for guidance; guidance is provided and praise is given; and then the question pops out of nowhere "Why are you cast down?" Seems a little out of place, really. I think this is the point in the psalm-writer's life where sin and Satan attack with lies and deceit, but the writer sees through it within a moment and reminds himself of God's goodness.

So, this is my creed: Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him, my salvation and my God.

Home again :)

Well, I'm sitting back in my kitchen listening to my roommates yell at each other (all in good fun, of course). It's been easier transitioning back into "normal life" than I thought it would, except for the fact that I've developed quite a violent cough which is causing quite the headache. Oh well, you can't have it all.

As I walked in the door of my home (still weird to call a house that is not my parent's house "home") last night, one of my roommates commented that I looked "older". Technically, as I did have a birthday over the past week, I am in fact, older, but I do feel a little older in a way. Having a goal again really makes a difference in how one lives one's life. (It does not however, mean that you will not procrastinate as I'm discovering now.)

One of the last things we did at RACE was make a ZAP (Z-to-A Plan). I've pretty much decided that I want to do literacy work in Cameroon, but the path that leads there is kind of long. 3 years isn't that bad, but it is a pretty good chunk of time. Literacy work involves teaching people how to read in their own language so that as the translators translate the Bible, people can read it. Training to do literacy work isn't really extensive, but I've had none so far, so I have to build from the ground up. I'm not quite sure what all it's going to entail just yet as I have not contacted the field director in Cameroon to see what kinds of requirements they have and where exactly they need literacy workers. (Writing that e-mail is on my growing list of things to do.) What I heard from the people there at RACE was that I could do summer school at SIL. (SIL stands for Summer Institute of Lingustics (too many acronyms) and is one of the schools that Wycliffe Bible Translators works with. Funny that I almost went there this last summer and decided not to because one of my best friends was getting married smack-dab in the middle of the session.) Anyway, there's a lot of stuff that goes along with this, but I don't want to bore anyone with all the details floating around in my head trying to make sense of themselves.

All this to say, though, that I am very excited about this, probably more excited than I've been about anything except knowing God, but I have to put all this together while living normal life and trying to work a regular job (and figuring out if I should get a new one that has more flexible hours and pays better... God can do miracles, right?).

I've arrived...

I'm finding that stress is a fuel for my writing. Right now, I'm suffering a little from a lack of stress as I try to figure out how to communicate what this day was like. I started out a lot more emotional than I've been in quite a while, partly because of the anxiety I felt about what the outcome of this process would be (though it really was quite minimal as I really was feeling God's peace pervading and assuring me that He's in control), partly because of the serious lack of sleep, and mostly because of the process I've been brought through. A lot of things that were said or done throughout the week have been really freeing in so many ways. I can't really describe it, so I'll leave it at that.

We began our day at World Team Headquarters with a focus on God's peace and joy, and the importance of bringing those things into the rhythms of our lives. We followed by talking about the various outcomes of our time at RACE. Our options include the following 3:

(1) you are a valuable person and this is in no way a reflection on you as a person but just in relation to World Team (which they say before everyone of the results), but we just don't feel like you are a good fit with World Team,

(2) we think you could be a good fit with World Team, but there are some areas we'd like you to work on and then come back through RACE,

(3) we think you are a good fit with World Team and we'd like to extend to you an invitation to join us.

The moment of truth finally came and Desma and Linda pulled me back to the same room I'd been interviewed by them in before and began saying again that these results are in no way a reflection on you as a person. By that time I was thinking the worst had come, but Linda quickly moved on to say that, "You've been invited to join World Team". I was elated and choked up and a lot of things at once. Desma shared with me a little later that she'd bawled when she heard those same words after going through RACE herself. I also heard later from one of the other assessors that Desma had been in the assessor meetings championing the cause of the introverts in the group which I thought was pretty awesome. After sharing with me some of the strengths they saw in me and going over what this invitation means, Linda gave me a list of things "to do" as I prepare now for getting on the field.

I left that room with a lot of joy and peace as I called family and then a few friends to let them know the outcome of this whole process. Later in the afternoon, I received my field recommendations. They were: Cameroon, the Philippines, and any place in need of a teacher/tutor for missionary kids. Lots to pray about.

I have to say that my reaction time is sometimes kinda slow. My interview was over by 9:30 and it didn't really hit me until 12:30 that my biggest goal was now moving very quickly towards being realized, that I'm now a "missionary appointee"... so many new things all at once. But also so many things at home that I need to figure out as I pray about whether or not I should keep the job I have now, or look at something else (and if so, what?), and lots of things that have probably not yet crossed my mind.

I also have to say that I've been really grateful for the people God brought to RACE with me. Each of us have come away from the process with peace and feeling like we've been dealt with in a lot of love and grace. There's a genuineness and "sweetness" (as Krista put it) in the investment World Team has made in our lives and in the way our team dealt with each other. If you ever get the chance to RACE, you should definitely take it.

End of assessment.... thank goodness.

Our sessions ended at 3:00 today, 6 hours earlier than they've been ending; glory be! Instead of feeling like 2 days, today only felt like 1 and 1/2. We've made it through assessment in one piece and are all still getting along with each other. I can't remember whether or not I've mentioned this and I'm too lazy to go back through my other blogs and see, but it's been a blessing being a part of a group of singles because we can share the joys and hardships of our single status together. After completing our last task as a team, we, the singles of the group, went out for sushi and enjoyed relaxing and not feeling like every second of our time was planned out for us.
As far as the actual assessment for today goes, the tone was different from the previous 1 and a 1/2 days (have we really only been doing assessment for that short a period??). During the morning, we had to prepare and complete our final task in between interviews. That part was stressful as we felt the time crunch towards the end, but the interviews I really enjoyed. I enjoy face-to-face, one-on-one interaction with people. I went through two interviews, one with Dezma and Linda, and the other with Bill, someone from the Center for Organizational Ministry and Development (something along those lines anyway). The first went by really quickly. Linda and Desma both had a lot of questions that we didn't have nearly enough time to get through. At the end they both said they were having a really hard time because they were wanting to identify with me as they're both introverted, but they have to be objective in their analysis.

The second interview was something I'd been curious about all week. I have a rather odd obsession with personality tests (I take the Greek saying "know thyself" very seriously... or something). Hearing somebody repeat back to me what goes on in my head in a way that made sense in English was a little weird; and that was basically what happened. I'd taken the actual test back in September and really had been wondering about what kind of freak I'd turn out to be. Apparently I'm a weird one, but that's ok. I think we're all a little weird. Some of the highlights of that interview were my irrational fears of people, my love for intellectual challenges and how my desire for intellectual challenges makes me get bored and want to move on when I get stuck in one thing (ADD basically), how I love art and music and beauty and all of those things help me focus on something outside of myself, how I deal with conflict by diffusing it with humor and how sometimes I shouldn't do that. It all gave me a lot to think about and helped me see some of my strengths and weaknesses and how they play for and against each other. It was more in depth than I'd expected, and by far the most accurate explanation to me of myself.

After that, we completed our "task" and were free for the rest of the afternoon. Funny that I wait until 11 to finish my blog for the day...

Longest birthday ever... in a good way :)

It's nearly 11:30 as I'm writing this over here in Philly. Today began at 6 a.m. with getting up and leaving insanely early (John, a fellow RACEr staying at the same host home as me and the only one over 25 and able to drive a rental car, did not grow up in New Mexico and therefore does not have the same appreciation I do for arriving at the last possible second, or later). Most of today was my fellow RACErs and I trying to get to know each other as a team through sharing testimonies and various "exercises". I came out of some of our sessions with really interesting headaches and am realizing how much I value peace and quiet. And when I say "quiet", I mean absolute stillness. I'm feeling less like a de-shelled turtle than I did yesterday (which I'm very thankful for) as I had about 5 minutes outside with only a bird for company, enjoying being surrounded by a rich earthy fragrance (which was rudely interrupted by the anchovi- and onion-scented salad-dressing I'd picked for my leafy greens) that candle-makers only wish they could capture. Being rather severely introverted, times like those help me find my center of balance. One of the key words of a lot of our sessions was "chaos", and I know it was difficult for a lot of people in our group to deal with that word and the ideas behind it, as there are a lot of introverted people here at this particular RACE event. There are no "dominant" personalities in our group so it's been a challenge for us to get into a good system with leadership roles being clearly defined.

I'm starting to lose my train of thought, and I'm a little too tired to go back and retrace my steps over this blog, but just continue to pray for all of us as we work together through our assessment process. Pray that we would learn to rely on God more as a group, specifically. Tomorrow won't be as long, but we have a lot of stuff to accomplish during the morning and early afternoon and we need God's strength and guidance to get through it :).

First day of Assessment... dun dun dun

Today feels like 2 days rolled into one... my goodness... (If this blog ends up really short, it's because I'm quite worn out and feeling a lot like a turtle that's been de-shelled.) We began the first day of orientation finishing out our "orientation stage". At lunch we switched gears and began looking at all of the personality tests we've taken over the past few months during the application process and also did some other more "top secret" kinds of things.
One thing that I enjoyed during the afternoon was hearing the testimonies of some of my fellow RACErs. I identified a lot with one of the gals, Krista, as she shared about the things she struggled with during the transitional phases of life (i.e. periods between high school graduation and college, college and real life, etc.). She's just a little older than me, but hearing her stories was really a blessing to me.

Anyway, I'm going to go be introverted for a few moments before going to bed. Thanks so much for all your prayers! They're very helpful and very needed.

Second day... end of first impression worries :)

Today started out with a little bit of a trip trying to locate the nearest Starbucks. It's not quite as common here in Warrington, PA as it is in Albuquerque where there's at least one on every major street and you only have to drive about 5 minutes before you come across one. John, the only RACEr staying at our host home who's over 25 and therefore the only one able to drive our rental car, patiently drove Sydney and me through town until we saw one, at which point Sydney and I both yelled and pointed a little overenthusiastically (you must understand that our hostess's mother is the one who makes the coffee here and it's a little weak).

Coffee and scones in hand, we began our day with a little worship service, singing to guitar music and hearing out of the Word of God from Bob Heywood, a man with a loud, booming voice and a passionate message. He spoke out of 2 Corinthians 5:11-21, and gave a great reminder of the message and the absolute power of the Gospel. One thing I've already grown to appreciate about World Team is that everything begins and ends with the Gospel, not with numbers or philosophies or anything that's secondary to work in missions. They emphasize to us that we need to be preaching the Gospel to ourselves every day or we easily forget the power behind the cross that allows us to live free, grace-filled lives.

After that, we talked briefly about different fields, and areas of service. I asked a question about teaching, and the gal that was giving the presentation, Sara, had worked as a teacher in Africa for a few years. I talked with her over lunch about the different requirements for being a teacher in an MK school, and she gave whole bunch of helpful advice about getting a license through a Christian organization (ACSI or something like that... she e-mailed the info to me so I can look over it later), and using substitute teaching as a way to gain some experience. I was pretty excited :).

Then we covered all kinds of things in different sessions like discipleship, teamwork, working with different family dynamics (being singled, being married, having kids) and how people from different "stages" of life should work together. It still feels like a lot of information overload. I'm a little exhausted and overwhelmed still, but they assured us they wouldn't be testing us over it at the end of the week so that's a relief haha :).

Tomorrow the real fun begins, the long days of assessment, so I'm off to bed to get some rest and let my brain reboot.

First day of RACE

I woke up this morning at about 8 Pennsylvania time, feeling like it was much too early to be awake yet. Ah, the joys of jet lag.

There are three of us staying at our host home and at 10, we were picked up to get our rental car for the week (a snazzy little PT Cruiser) and then headed off to World Team headquarters. Sydney, my fellow southwesterner, and I were in awe of the trees and all the beautiful colors as we drove. Sydney's from San Diego and jokes that there are only 2 seasons there, mudslide season and fire season. I only see pinon trees which are always a weird greenish color, unfortunately.

We spent the day in different sessions, listening and interacting with a few of the different World Team staff members, and getting to know the organization. I found myself dealing with a lot of questions like "how in the world am I going to keep up?", "how can a young, single gal like me find a place where I can actually be used in an organization like this?", and "can I really do ministry work at all?". I have rather limited experience in ministry, having had trouble in the past getting involved with organizations at school, and I've shot myself in the foot a few times by being maybe a little too stubborn on a few doctrinal issues I had with different leaders at said organizations (I've learned a little more humility since then, but still have quite a ways to go in beating down my more arrogant side). There are things in those organizations that I felt very strongly needed some work, but instead of trying to help work on them, I just backed out. I hadn't really learned the meaning of "being the change you want to see".

I've also had this weird aversion to "organized ministry" and planning how to go about ministry in my daily life. Maybe it's a leftover college student mentality of wanting to just "wing it" through everything. I've been trying to train myself out of this mental state for a while now, but old habits die hard. I have been taking baby steps, beginning with just praying a lot for the people I know, and have had a few opportunities to share truths about Jesus with my coworkers since I started praying for them. One of the guys from Focus on the Family talks about "intentional living" and I try to remember that phrase throughout the day, reminding myself that if I'm not looking for opportunities to share Jesus, I probably won't find them.

Speaking of praying for people, there are a few people I met yesterday in the middle of my traveling that I wanted to ask for prayer for.
1) I got through security and went to sit down and put my shoes back on, and I sat down next to another young gal. I asked her where she was headed and she said Denver, and then she asked me where I was headed and I said Philadelphia. I told her I was going to a missions conference-type-thing, and she looked at me and smiled and said she was headed for training to go on overseas missions. I don't remember the name of the organization any more, but she said she was going to go to 11 countries in 11 months. I didn't catch her name, but pray for her training and her work if you think about it :).
2) After "jumping ship" and getting on my second plane to Phoenix yesterday, I sat next to a really sweet couple who gave me the window seat when I didn't even ask for it. I talked to the wife (whose name I didn't catch either) and told her where I was going and what I was doing, and then talked with her about her life. She's Lutheran, but I don't know if she is actually saved or not. Her sister is fighting breast cancer and has 2 kids in their teens.
3) My last plane ride, I sat down next to an older, African-American lady. I asked her where she was headed and she was on her way from LA to visit her family in Philly. We got into the longest conversation I'd ever had with a stranger just about life and how you never know where you'll end up. I never asked her point-blank whether or not she was a Christian, but she believes in God and that He is the author of our lives. She may have been Catholic and I also noticed a Yoga charm on her bracelet. We had a lot in common though, a love for reading, a love for Earl Grey tea with milk and honey, a desire to see England, grandmothers with the same birthday. We laughed a lot and really enjoyed each others company. Pray for her salvation if she isn't saved. Her name was Lucille.

Anyway, if this wasn't entirely coherent, sorry... it's late here and I had a long day :).

Welcome to Pennsylvania!

Well, now I haven't actually written about my plans for the future up here. In a nutshell, as graduation loomed closer and closer, I began to pray more and more about whether or not I should pursue missions right after graduation or wait a few years til I gained some more "life experience". (I've wanted to do mission work since I was probably about 12.) I spent the first half of the summer agonizing over it and talking with a few different missions organizations, Frontiers being the main one. I finally asked myself, "why not?" and could come up with no good response ("good" being the main word. I had plenty of responses like, "where on earth am I going to get the money for this?"). So, I began the application process with Frontiers. Two days later, my pastor, who had just announced his plan to pursue missions, called me to ask if I would be interested in joining him and his family on their mission wherever that would end up being. They were applying with an organization called World Team who really wants church-based teams going out. I thought about it, and decided that would be a really great idea. I would be able to go with people I knew and was comfortable with and that I knew I could really learn a lot from. I switched gears pretty quickly and started another long application process. And, man, it was pretty intense. They ask you just about everything imaginable and put you through all kinds of psychological tests. RACE is the end of the process (and I don't remember what RACE stands for right now... sorry), held in Warrington, PA, which is where I'm at now. From what I understand, RACE is like a really long interview to see what your strengths and weaknesses are and how you would contribute to a team, except not quite as boring. I'll be able to say a little more about it as the process moves along and I figure more stuff out. No details, because I think they don't want everyone completely prepared for the stuff they throw at you, but what I think and feel as I move along in the process. It's already been an adventure, too! My plane was supposed to take off at 7:45 this morning to catch a connecting flight in Phoenix at 8:50 (Phoenix time, of course). We had a little trouble with a hydraulic leak or something so the rest of the Philly-travelers and I jumped ship to another plane to Phoenix that left at 8:45. I arrived in Phoenix at 9:05, 15 minutes after my connecting flight was supposed to leave. But, they held the plane for the 8 of us! I was so very relieved. So praise Jesus for a safe trip, and pray for me as I feel my way through all this!

I was going to write a story, but decided to blog instead :S

I've now been living "on my own" for about a month and a half. I'm not really sure what I expected in the first place, but I'm not really disappointed so that's probably a good sign, right? I spent a good long time this evening just reflecting a little on what brought me here, what's changed and what hasn't, what I miss and what I don't miss. Reflection is almost always beneficial, except when it's all you ever do. You run out of things to reflect on pretty quickly, as I would know from experience.
After watching this silly show about a bunch of socially inept physicists and engineers, I really started to miss math, funny as it sounds. I'm definitely not as smart as the 4 big nerds on this TV show, but I did understand part of what they were talking about at least most of the time. I now do no math at all on a regular basis after having taken math classes for the last 3 and 1/2 years of my life (I didn't have any my first semester when I thought I'd be a music major; that department was too dramatic for me). I might just pull my calculus book out and read it for fun sometime. Haha.
I also miss playing the piano. I have a piano in my new room, but it's out of tune (like one note will play three different pitches at once) and there is no room for my keyboard. I do miss it terribly. The guitar just isn't quite the same.
I do not miss having no time to read, however. I've been reading as much as possible and enjoying it a lot. The Three Musketeers is a very entertaining book, albeit very long. Knowing God is an excellent book also, but for much different reasons. Harry Potter is not exactly an excellent set of books, but they are good reading for pleasure.
Living "on my own" and having a job and not having an end goal of having a degree in my hand any more has really changed my mindset in a lot of ways. Possibilities seem to lay stretched out endlessly before me. (Whether or not these possibilities are probabilities remains to be seen as I have retained, if nothing else from the last 4 years of school, a tendency to procrastinate.) I do know, however, that the future really is in God's hands. I have most definitely developed a much stronger faith over the past few months as I have stepped out into this new world. It's been scary and challenging in a myriad of ways, but God's used each of those little things to help me get closer to Him, and that in all, is what this life is about anyway. So I know that I am indeed in very good Hands.

Sleepy minds make grumpy spirits

I don't know if the title is true for all people, but I know it's true for me. Sometimes anyway; right now in particular. When I'm sleepy, I tend to daydream, and then I get discontent. Everyone says dreams and wishes are good things that keep people going but sometimes I wonder about this supposed fact. Maybe it would help if all my dreams and wishes lay along the same path. I keep chasing different wishes on different days and then it feels like I'm running in circles. Just because none of them seem to go the same direction doesn't mean they won't though, so I should probably just stop worrying about it :S. Just keep "delighting in the Lord" and He will bring light to the path.
"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand." (Ps. 37:23-24)
"For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you'." (Isaiah 41:13)
Yeah, these verses don't guarantee that all my dreams will come true, but they do guarantee that even if I can't see what's going to happen next, God does. He's preparing the way and preparing my heart for the journey.
Anyway, bedtime! Maybe I won't be so grumpy tomorrow :).

A confession (for Sarah B :)

The truth is out. I am a terrible blogger. It has been almost 3 months since my last post, and that really is rather unfortunate since a lot happened in those last 3 months. I am now an alumnus of Eastern New Mexico University. I wanted to put the word "finally" there at the end of the previous sentence, but the last 4 years really went by so fast that I don't think it would be appropriate. And the word finally implies endings, but it's really just a beginning.
As it is late, I think I shall sign off by leaving my dear reader(s) with a poem/song/thing that I think I wrote, but I'm not sure when. I found it a few evenings ago and it expresses my sentiments well for the present time.

The stately garments of the trees
Their branches outspread wide
Sing the praise of their Creator
The regalia of the flowers
Their scent cleansing the air
Display the caring affection of their Maker

There are miracles all around
There is beauty in this earth
A dim reflection of its Master's glory
Just open the eyes of your heart
You'll never have far to look
To see the majesty of our Lord

Standing on the edge of nowhere
Looking out across vast space
Smiling stars tell of God's greatness and his Grace
The tiniest neuron
Is yet so complex
It declares His awesome wisdom and power.

And He calls to my heart
And He makes it his own
I belong to him, and my life is in his hands
How could I not trust Him
When all around the world
His sovereignty is shown?

Ever-changing Life

I'm sitting here at 2 a.m. listening to Jon Foreman and thinking that I really should be in bed. It's hard to believe it's only 2 weeks until mid-terms here at school and I still haven't nailed down what I want to do after graduation this May. I have a pretty set idea, but it all requires a lot of faith in my Father on my part and understanding on the part of those people whose opinions matter most to me. The first of those two requirements is what really is most important because my Father can change opinions and help me deal with misunderstandings that may arise. It's amazing what happens when one has faith, but it's also devistating to see what happens when one's eyes are taken for just a moment from the One who gives life and takes it. Distractions happen so easily, but the most important part of this life is learning who created it and following Him through it.
Crazy little things have been happening around here over the past few days that have had me in a slight panic, but I know He's in control, and I really shouldn't have let myself worry about all these little things. It all seems job related, too. I was rather tempted to just quit both of my jobs and not worry about it any more, but really, that would just be silly. I am really thankful for both opportunities. One provides me with room and board; the other I really love doing (and the extra income really helps). I'm also thankful for my classes this semester and for the fact that they're really not hard. This has been the least challenging semester since my freshmen year and I'm able to spend time with the friends I've made here before we all start parting ways. It's strange to think that I've pretty much lived here for 4 years of my life now, and strange to think that I'll miss such a crazy, backwards little town, but I know I will. I've learned a lot about myself here, through relationships and challenges and opportunities I never thought I'd have. It's been good.
Before I get all teary-eyed on myself, I here remind myself that I have 13 more weeks that I have to survive before graduation takes place, and that in order to survive them, sleep is necessary. So, goodnight.

Heavenly thoughts...

The following passage is one of my favorites. It reminds me of the miracles we'll see one day when the Lord returns to claim his own. My mind is blown just by thinking of what heaven will be like, how we won't have to struggle with our wretched sinfulness and the God that we as Christians call Father will be standing before our very eyes. "Amen, come Lord Jesus!"
Isaiah 35.3-10 :
Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart, "Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you."
Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
then shall the lame man leap for joy.
For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert;
the burning sand shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water;
in the haunt of jackals where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes.
And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;
the unclean shall not pass over it.
It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.
No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it;
they shall not be found there,
but the redeemed shall walk there.
And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
they shall obtain gladness and joy,
and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Lullaby

Sleep my precious child
Wake to meet a new day
Only remember that I love you
Let that carry you away
May no thoughts or worries
Trouble you this night
Only let what you learned today
Grow you for the fight
One day the world won't be like this
All will be renewed
May you be ready that very hour
May it be the moment your heart's pursued
Sleep now, dearest to my heart
Know that you have been forever set apart.

Friends, hot cocoa, and Phase 10...

I have reached the end of my first week of classes. It wasn't a full week I guess (Monday was MLK JR. day), but it still counts, right? I found myself caught in this struggle to want to rush everything along even though I really have no control over the whole process. So, I'm trying to teach myself to really live in the day I have instead of rushing to the next one. I've been trying to teach myself that for the last 3 years, but now it seems a little more urgent. I only have a few more months (17 weeks to be exact. I still haven't quite gotten over my impatience to get out of Portales) before I graduate and the friends that I have and the life that I've lived and I probably part ways. So instead of worrying about what could happen to hitch up plans or really stress me out (i.e. RA difficulties, or a not so great grade on a test), I'm just trying to focus on the things that I'm enjoying right now. I spent the last two nights hanging out with a few of my best friends here just watching movies and playing games and enjoying some great homemade hot cocoa. It's been a good reminder for me to remember blessings instead of dread things that could become a curse. I started out the week worried and stressed out, but now I'm mostly at peace (minus the sleep that I'm missing as I write this :) ).

The other, more important thing, that I've been trying to learn is just to spend time with God every moment. It's something I did well in my first year of school, but things pile up to distract a person so I'm trying to relearn it again. Over the break, I realized how distant I'd really grown from my Father. A reflection from my little prayer journal right before Christmas: "As I grow older, it seems I realize more and more my wretched state. Or maybe I am growing more wretched." I wonder if this life is meant to be a striving for perfection, or a growing understanding of who God is, and who we are in comparison. Is that the same thing? I'm not really sure. All this to say, if it is the latter (growing in understanding of God by knowing him), I need to get back to that place where I yearn for his companionship moment by moment.
Ps. 27:4 -- One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.

On duty....

Well, school officially starts tomorrow (finally). I've just been running around making up errands for myself so I could pretend I had something to do. I did apply to graduate so that's now something I no longer need to worry about. Other than that, I just ran around campus and hung out with some friends. Tomorrow the real craziness begins.

Anyway, life as an RA is a little rough. The job itself isn't that hard, but what gets hard is when you're faced with a choice. It's really easy to let little violations slip, and that's my temptation. I'm not a huge fan of confrontation unless it's a personal offense, so trying to write people up for being too loud on a floor I don't live on is a little hard for me. However, for the good of the building, I shouldn't let those little things slip... It's just too easy to be lazy. I'm trying really hard not to be, though.

At this moment, I'm really wishing it were midnight so I could do my last round of the building and go to bed, but as it is, I'm stuck here rambling on my computer. At least I don't have class til 10. K, I'm shutting up now and I'm going to try to find something useful to do. Maybe I'll write a blog that has a point :).

Silence

There's a story behind this poem, but I'm not going to tell it now.

Deadened winter
Silent solitude
Sun rays dancing off ice crystals
Cold blue sky
Red clay peeking out
Amidst white patches of snow

Silence, silence
Why won't you answer
Quiet, quiet
Can't you hear
This frozen fire
Yearns to burn again
Yet you have me here
And I'm waiting

A kindled flame
Flairs up towards the heavens
Creating sparkle in the sky
A Father's love
Melts away the chains
Awakening a cold, cold heart

Fire, fire
Burning bright
Father, Father
You have called
A listless child
Has been brought to life
Now dancing, singing a new song

RA Training

My week of training ended today. It was a long and rather tedious process as I've gone through it once before (albeit 3 semesters ago). I'll take that back. The talk sessions are tedious, but I did have fun creating my decorations and boards. I'll post pictures whenever my camera batteries finish charging. They won't be that exciting, but I liked them and had a lot of fun creating them:). K, that was a rabbit trail. Back to the talk sessions.

There was a new session (that I hadn't gone through in the last training I've been a part of) that was extremely difficult for me to sit quietly through. I won't go into a whole lot of detail about what was discussed, but it was a hard hard hard reminder of where the U.S. (and the rest of the world) is headed. As God is pushed farther out, new things that are called an abomination in His Word are sticking their foot in the door and "programming" people to think life like this is completely normal. I'm not going to lie, but I felt a little woozy afterward.

So, pray for me please. This world keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Hello to the blogging community :)

Well, it seems that blogging has caught back up to me. Or that I have caught back up to blogging. Not really sure which of us was behind, but in whatever case, we're going to try to keep in step a little better now.

For anybody who doesn't know me that may stumble across this blog, I'm a university student finishing my last semester of school in CowTown, USA, studying mathematics, and working as an R.A (resident assistant). Sounds crazy, yes, but I know of quite a few others who have lived to tell the tale.

You may or may not be wondering about the name of my blog. Piracy is quite the thing these days between Pirates of the Caribbean and downloading music illegally. However, (and this is probably completely unoriginal) I wanted to make it known that my life is lived in pursuit of an actual Treasure. Not money or fame or _____ (you fill in the blank), but the greatest Treasure there ever has been, that is, Jesus Christ. As any follower of His knows, it is difficult to use language to accurately sum up what he means to the world, but He has bridged and continues to "bridge the gap" between us and His Father who has the power to condemn us if we in our depravity refuse to cross the bridge or welcome us as His children as He opens our eyes to see His radiance and we come to Him. So, in essence, I am a treasure hunter, but that's where the similarities between myself and a pirate stop because I don't pillage and plunder.

So, this is who I am, and I'll try my best to maintain this blog while I'm going through my (hopefully) last semester and try my best to keep my sanity :).
God bless!