A confession (for Sarah B :)

The truth is out. I am a terrible blogger. It has been almost 3 months since my last post, and that really is rather unfortunate since a lot happened in those last 3 months. I am now an alumnus of Eastern New Mexico University. I wanted to put the word "finally" there at the end of the previous sentence, but the last 4 years really went by so fast that I don't think it would be appropriate. And the word finally implies endings, but it's really just a beginning.
As it is late, I think I shall sign off by leaving my dear reader(s) with a poem/song/thing that I think I wrote, but I'm not sure when. I found it a few evenings ago and it expresses my sentiments well for the present time.

The stately garments of the trees
Their branches outspread wide
Sing the praise of their Creator
The regalia of the flowers
Their scent cleansing the air
Display the caring affection of their Maker

There are miracles all around
There is beauty in this earth
A dim reflection of its Master's glory
Just open the eyes of your heart
You'll never have far to look
To see the majesty of our Lord

Standing on the edge of nowhere
Looking out across vast space
Smiling stars tell of God's greatness and his Grace
The tiniest neuron
Is yet so complex
It declares His awesome wisdom and power.

And He calls to my heart
And He makes it his own
I belong to him, and my life is in his hands
How could I not trust Him
When all around the world
His sovereignty is shown?

Ever-changing Life

I'm sitting here at 2 a.m. listening to Jon Foreman and thinking that I really should be in bed. It's hard to believe it's only 2 weeks until mid-terms here at school and I still haven't nailed down what I want to do after graduation this May. I have a pretty set idea, but it all requires a lot of faith in my Father on my part and understanding on the part of those people whose opinions matter most to me. The first of those two requirements is what really is most important because my Father can change opinions and help me deal with misunderstandings that may arise. It's amazing what happens when one has faith, but it's also devistating to see what happens when one's eyes are taken for just a moment from the One who gives life and takes it. Distractions happen so easily, but the most important part of this life is learning who created it and following Him through it.
Crazy little things have been happening around here over the past few days that have had me in a slight panic, but I know He's in control, and I really shouldn't have let myself worry about all these little things. It all seems job related, too. I was rather tempted to just quit both of my jobs and not worry about it any more, but really, that would just be silly. I am really thankful for both opportunities. One provides me with room and board; the other I really love doing (and the extra income really helps). I'm also thankful for my classes this semester and for the fact that they're really not hard. This has been the least challenging semester since my freshmen year and I'm able to spend time with the friends I've made here before we all start parting ways. It's strange to think that I've pretty much lived here for 4 years of my life now, and strange to think that I'll miss such a crazy, backwards little town, but I know I will. I've learned a lot about myself here, through relationships and challenges and opportunities I never thought I'd have. It's been good.
Before I get all teary-eyed on myself, I here remind myself that I have 13 more weeks that I have to survive before graduation takes place, and that in order to survive them, sleep is necessary. So, goodnight.

Heavenly thoughts...

The following passage is one of my favorites. It reminds me of the miracles we'll see one day when the Lord returns to claim his own. My mind is blown just by thinking of what heaven will be like, how we won't have to struggle with our wretched sinfulness and the God that we as Christians call Father will be standing before our very eyes. "Amen, come Lord Jesus!"
Isaiah 35.3-10 :
Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart, "Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you."
Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
then shall the lame man leap for joy.
For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert;
the burning sand shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water;
in the haunt of jackals where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes.
And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;
the unclean shall not pass over it.
It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.
No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it;
they shall not be found there,
but the redeemed shall walk there.
And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
they shall obtain gladness and joy,
and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Lullaby

Sleep my precious child
Wake to meet a new day
Only remember that I love you
Let that carry you away
May no thoughts or worries
Trouble you this night
Only let what you learned today
Grow you for the fight
One day the world won't be like this
All will be renewed
May you be ready that very hour
May it be the moment your heart's pursued
Sleep now, dearest to my heart
Know that you have been forever set apart.

Friends, hot cocoa, and Phase 10...

I have reached the end of my first week of classes. It wasn't a full week I guess (Monday was MLK JR. day), but it still counts, right? I found myself caught in this struggle to want to rush everything along even though I really have no control over the whole process. So, I'm trying to teach myself to really live in the day I have instead of rushing to the next one. I've been trying to teach myself that for the last 3 years, but now it seems a little more urgent. I only have a few more months (17 weeks to be exact. I still haven't quite gotten over my impatience to get out of Portales) before I graduate and the friends that I have and the life that I've lived and I probably part ways. So instead of worrying about what could happen to hitch up plans or really stress me out (i.e. RA difficulties, or a not so great grade on a test), I'm just trying to focus on the things that I'm enjoying right now. I spent the last two nights hanging out with a few of my best friends here just watching movies and playing games and enjoying some great homemade hot cocoa. It's been a good reminder for me to remember blessings instead of dread things that could become a curse. I started out the week worried and stressed out, but now I'm mostly at peace (minus the sleep that I'm missing as I write this :) ).

The other, more important thing, that I've been trying to learn is just to spend time with God every moment. It's something I did well in my first year of school, but things pile up to distract a person so I'm trying to relearn it again. Over the break, I realized how distant I'd really grown from my Father. A reflection from my little prayer journal right before Christmas: "As I grow older, it seems I realize more and more my wretched state. Or maybe I am growing more wretched." I wonder if this life is meant to be a striving for perfection, or a growing understanding of who God is, and who we are in comparison. Is that the same thing? I'm not really sure. All this to say, if it is the latter (growing in understanding of God by knowing him), I need to get back to that place where I yearn for his companionship moment by moment.
Ps. 27:4 -- One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.

On duty....

Well, school officially starts tomorrow (finally). I've just been running around making up errands for myself so I could pretend I had something to do. I did apply to graduate so that's now something I no longer need to worry about. Other than that, I just ran around campus and hung out with some friends. Tomorrow the real craziness begins.

Anyway, life as an RA is a little rough. The job itself isn't that hard, but what gets hard is when you're faced with a choice. It's really easy to let little violations slip, and that's my temptation. I'm not a huge fan of confrontation unless it's a personal offense, so trying to write people up for being too loud on a floor I don't live on is a little hard for me. However, for the good of the building, I shouldn't let those little things slip... It's just too easy to be lazy. I'm trying really hard not to be, though.

At this moment, I'm really wishing it were midnight so I could do my last round of the building and go to bed, but as it is, I'm stuck here rambling on my computer. At least I don't have class til 10. K, I'm shutting up now and I'm going to try to find something useful to do. Maybe I'll write a blog that has a point :).

Silence

There's a story behind this poem, but I'm not going to tell it now.

Deadened winter
Silent solitude
Sun rays dancing off ice crystals
Cold blue sky
Red clay peeking out
Amidst white patches of snow

Silence, silence
Why won't you answer
Quiet, quiet
Can't you hear
This frozen fire
Yearns to burn again
Yet you have me here
And I'm waiting

A kindled flame
Flairs up towards the heavens
Creating sparkle in the sky
A Father's love
Melts away the chains
Awakening a cold, cold heart

Fire, fire
Burning bright
Father, Father
You have called
A listless child
Has been brought to life
Now dancing, singing a new song