Panic!!!!

Have you ever noticed that when you're panicking, and you tell yourself to stop, it only seems to get worse?  Maybe it's like having a fear of heights.  Jed and I visited the Rio Grande Bridge near Taos on our way home from our honeymoon.  Having a rather severe case of acrophobia myself, all I could think was, "Don't look down..."  But of course, I looked down.

Right now, life feels like a tight rope stretched over a 15 bazillion foot chasm.  It's not a very wide chasm, and I could probably get over it pretty quick, but there's this little voice that gets progressively louder every time I get closer to that rope.  I try to ignore it, but the more I try, the louder it gets until finally I feel like I have a mini drill sergeant in my head screaming his lungs out at me.

"OH MY GOSH!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! PANIC! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! FIX IT!!! FIX IT NOW!!!!!"

You see, I have a rather hyper sense of responsibility.  I could probably even convince myself that hurricane Katrina was at least partly my fault.  

The chasm I'm trying to cross isn't really a result of anything I've done right or wrong; it's just life, and life is hard sometimes (well, most times).  

The truth that I'm really trying to grab hold of is that I'm not responsible for everything that happens in my life.  Now, before you go all crazy on me and think that I'm losing my grip and going to end up a homeless alcoholic for the rest of my life, I do understand that choices I make today will probably have consequences, good or bad, for the future.  For example, I chose to quit my job not too long ago, and that has had consequences, good and not so good.  However, I also feel like the decisions I've made, like getting married and quitting my job, were not made lightly and that God was directing me toward doing those things.  

So, in all actuality, God is responsible for what happens to me now.  Yesterday, when I was having one of those moments where I couldn't even think straight because of my mini drill sergeant, I had a cup of tea.  Now this wasn't just any cup of tea; my mom gave me a box of "Scripture Tea" for Christmas.  It's green chai tea, and on each little tab is printed a little verse.  I thought it was a little cheesy at the time (but sweet, of course), but each cup of tea that I've had has had a verse that was quite appropriate for what I was thinking about at the time.  Yesterday my verse was Psalm 31:24:

"Take courage if you are depending on the Lord."  

Okay. 

Easier said than done, but armed with this verse and others like Psalm 37:3-7 and Matthew 6:25-34, I can keep doing battle with the little lier that's found it's way into my mind.